Treasures in Heaven

Many of you could relate to last weeks post. Some of you shared with me your own feelings of failure of the many roles you play as a monther and some of you advised me to not be so hard on yourself – I agree with that advice.

This week in bible study the same concept/idea came up. As women, as mothers we are SO difficult on ourselves. We recognize our on failures and shortcomings rather than praising all that we do get done or accomplish.  In most cases, the demands we put on ourselves are from no one else but ourself. We set for ourselves goals so high that anyone would feel like a failure.

In light of these shortcomings, I decided to try a concept that a mentor introduced me to over 10 years ago. I try it from time to time but never really stick to it each day – listing the accomplishments of the day (even if it is was ONLY folding one towel – it is one less I have to fold tomorrow.)

Today I…

• Got the kids out of their pjs
• Soaked a shirt that was the recipient of spilled milk
• Changed 12 diapers
• Got lunch made
• Cleaned spit up three times
• Changed ones child’s clothes after they got dirty
• Made the bed
• Got 20 posts up
• Spent 20 minutes in the sand box
• Went down the slide seven times
• Chatted with a good friend
• Successfully got the baby down for a nap
• Gave my older child an hour of one on one time
• Heated up leftovers for dinner
• Kissed two “ouchies”
• Watched Barney four times
• Got one child bathed
• Pour three cups of milk

2 Cornthianas 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

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Honestly, I am not sure who I am. If I had to go to a dinner, where I knew no one, and they asked what I did, I am not sure what I would answer.  For the roles I hold, I have attached  frustrated to them because I am not the master of any them.

I am a Wife…I failed to thank my husband for brining home dinner the other night, instead I complained about how much it cost. FAILED

I am a Mom…most of the time my kids think my face is attached to a computer and I miss an opportunity to enrich their lives or make them feel loved. FAILED

I am a Stay at Home Mom…not true, I work 40 hours a week! FAILED

I am a Work at Home Mom…not true, I run around cleaning diaper explosions off my carpet that was just professionally cleaned. FAILED

I am a Housekeeper…my tub has a soap ring around the brim and my playroom has had Oreo’s crumbs in the corner for 2 days! FAILED

I am a Cook…tonight we are having eggs and toast for dinner, last night we had boxed mac and cheese (the powder kind.) FAILED

I am Frugal…I went to Walmart today without a coupon (ran into a friend who had a stack of them!) FAILED

I am a Stylist…today’s shirt has the remnants of wiping one daughter’s nose and the spit up of the other daughter. FAILED.

I am a Friend…I have missed so many phone calls and gatherings because I could think of 1,000 other things I needed to be doing. Today, I cancelled a shower at my home with 25 friends because the flu is running rampant in my home. FAILED.

You know what!?! I can’t find my truths in these identities.  If I put all my hope and affirmations in the identities above then I will constantly feel like a failure.

My truth and identity must be in Christ. I am a daugther of our King. I have been saved by his grace. I am not a failure in his eyes. While I am full of sin and failtures, his blood has washed me clean – what can wash away my sins? NOTHING BUT THE BLOOD OF JESUS.

I AM A DAUGHTER OF OUR KING!

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”

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A few weeks ago, I had to opportunity to attend a women’s retreat with my church. The speaker was Nancy Guthrie, the author of a book I am currently reading. I was actually speaking at this conference about saving money and had made the commitment months ago (even before my 5 month old was born.) It turned out my folks (my constant babysitters) were supposed to be out of town, my husband had a board meeting with work, there was a blogging conference that weekend in Nashville, and I had a 5 month old who was attached to mama because she refused a bottle. Everything in me wanted to stay home or join other bloggers on a conference, but my pride (too ashamed to cancel after I made the commitment) kept me booked.

So off I went, and THANK GOD! What an amazing weekend!  God truly works on you when you are not looking for it most, sometimes when you go with a heart of stone (I have found that true in my own life.)

Note: As I move a head, I am using some of Nancy’s words to describe how much God touched and all that I learned.

Immediately, with in the first talk, on the first night, I was being changed.

I can tell you that I am not sure why hurricanes happen. I am not sure why the people of Haiti have found themselves in deplorable situations. In fact, today I found myself unsure of why daughter would not stop screaming – these are frustrations and difficult trials (some obviously much larger than others.) I know that when Adam and Eve tasted the fruit, we became a fallen world – a world of shame, guilt, pride, trials, etc. I still find myself asking God WHY I (and others) go through these difficult situations. Usually they help me to grow and gain wisdom and most importantly a stronger relationship with Christ, but they are painful, annoying, and sometimes in my human eyes unnecessarily.

Nancy spoke to us about Paul.  In 2 Corinithians 11: 24 – 27, Paul writes “24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.” Okay, clearly this man has been through a lot. Significant things – many (if not all) more than I!

In 2 Corinthians 12:7, despite all the larger things Paul has been through, he askes for an annoying thorn in his flesh to be removed. He pleads for God to take this away in verse 8 – how often do we do this? I just did it rather angrily today with my crying child. In verse 9, God responses His grace is enough – his power is made perfect in these times of weakness.  In other words, what is God’s response – a big fat NO! You will go through trials, basically is what Paul is (and we are) told. We will have thorns in our side. But with this no, we are given a gift.  A gift of grace to endure. We are not given that grace of endurance when it is not needed, not when we are making cupcakes and delighting with friends, but we are given grace that will how us to faithfully endure trials and weakens – endurance through a belief that we are okay in God’s protection.

So I went on the retreat, with my doubt, my weight of “to dos”, my list of reasons I should remain home – but God has a plan. God wanted to remind me he is all I need. He gives me strength during these times and He carries me through.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in YOUR weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Note: Baby Bella is getting baptized today!

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I apologize about a few weeks off from Treasure in Heaven. It isn’t that I haven’t learned much, or I haven’t had much to say, I just really wasn’t able to really express it all into words.

I am not sure if it is the weather (blue sky and beautiful temperature) or the following of some powerful weeks of growth, but I can’t stop signing “My God, how great Thou art!”

God truly is amazing!

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: “My God, how great Thou art!”

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

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A marriage group that my husband and I are in, started the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I recently was introduced to a couple who made some radical decisions after reading this book (of course there were other influences.)  After creating their dream home, they decided to sell it and live on the bare minimum (though they make well over) donating the rest to those in need. This brought some fear to me as I was afraid of what crazy plan God make roll into motion after I went through the book…but shouldn’t I welcome and not tremble at the plans God has for me?

So in fear and intimidation, I began chapter one of Francis Chan’s book.  Francis Chan brought up Revelation 4, when John has a vision of God. God is so magnificent that John can’t put him into words. He is indescribable. John describes him the best he can – brilliant as gemstones, glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow, from the throne came flashes of lightning and the rumble of thunder, and there was a shiny sea of glass, sparkling like crystal. Surrounding Him were a countless number of angels.

A friend compared it this way. Our minds are soda cans, God is the ocean. If asked to describe him, we are asking for God to just pour a small portion of himself into our soda can mind. How can we possible describe the ocean only have 12 ounces of it’s existence?

So this is how I picture God…

You know the Sistine Chapel picture painted by Michelangelo in the 1500s. This god has big and has white hair and a beard – sorta like Santa.

Now when coming before our father, I am going to take on a new picture. I am going to picture a being, adorned in jewels, glowing, fire around Him, indescribable in words. A God who would make your jaw drop. Who would make you speechless – this is hard to do to me.  This is my new image of God, this will remind me how MAGNIFICENT he is and how small I am in comparison.

I am the created, not the creator!

Note: There is a FREE copy of the audio version of Crazy Love but I am having trouble finding it. If you find it, please leave a comment below.

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Lately, I have had the opportunity to sit down with my older daughter and spend some time creating things with LEGOs and coloring in our coloring book.  Nothing beats this bonding time.  While it allows for some mommy and me time for her, I must say it really does rest and quiet my own soul.  If I am able to remove myself from the abundance of things I need to get done (it never feels like enough in this line of work) then I am able to enjoy the time of quietness and creativity.

Honestly, in most circumstances I feel as though I put my children last. This is likely part of my feelings that I am never doing enough. With my long list of to dos, time with them can take a back burner.  This saddens me greatly as I watch them grow so fast and quickly.  The evidence of their growth is especially very obvious in my youngest daughter who is still under 6 months. It seems like every week, there is a new milestone and every week I am leaving a younger child behind (she is no longer who she was, she is older, bigger and able to do more things.)

I am reminded in Psalm 127:3 that “children are a gift from the Lord; a child is a reward from Him.”

I decided to uncover the word gift see what they would really mean to my relationship with God and my children. What has God truly given me?

The dictionary defines gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, to honor an occasion. What has God given me. God has given me ONCE AGAIN, something voluntary, sometime that does not required payment from me in return.  Can you imagine someone Christmas morning, tossing their gifts aside only to choose to go slave over trimming the Christmas tree or shoveling the snow off the walk?  It would be absurd, even crazy. However, isn’t this what I do every day? I choose to toss my gifts aside and go work on putting away dishes, cleaning up the toys, windexing the coffee table, etc. Items that honestly don’t need to be nurtured, loved, or emotionally developed.

This week I am going to concentrate more on enjoying my gifts. I am going to focus on creating the largest LEGO tower I can or scribbling outside every line in the coloring book. God has given me these two beautiful gifts.  Gifts that will be out the door and headed on the college or even beginning a new family of her own sometime.  There is no gift like the present. Please encourage and remind me to enjoy it!

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I have shelter, I have clean clothes, I have food (more than I need), I have diapered babies, I have photo albums and pictures of loved ones, I can make a phone call, I can take a nap on my couch, I can turn on the television, I can turn off the television, I can take a shower, I can take another, I can settle in a chair with a book, I can tell the ones I love how much I care for them, I can play on the floor with my child’s toys, I can talk a walk outside on a nice afternoon, I can smile without hiding fear or sorrow, I can color in a coloring book, I can change into new clothing, I eat off clean utensils, I can heat up or even cook a meal, I have a hospital that has the ability to fix my broken leg, I can get antibiotics, I can run to my local coffee shop, I can have lunch with friends, I can open my wallet and buy a treat, I can enjoy a quiet evening with my spouse, I can…, I can…, I can…

There are thousands who can’t!

The Lord commands us to love our neighbor as ourself (Mark 12:31.)

Let’s love our neighbors in Haiti.

I have decided to extending my Haitian donation match. For every person who leaves a comment that they have donated – in prayer or in monetary donations, I will donate a $1 to the Red Cross.

Tell me how you donated HERE!

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Pruning – ouch.  What is pruning? Much like its definition in the garden, pruning is the cutting back of branches (oneself) so that they new harvest produces a larger abundance of fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc.) Pruning is necessary and good, especially when one trusts the gardener (our Father), but pruning is a very painful process – it is a cutting of oneself (not physically but metaphorically) to grow. It is getting rid of the old, the dead, the bad fruits of oneself.

Last year and the end of the year before was a very painful period of “pruning.”  I must say that of all the pruning I have gone through in my life, the last 18 months were truly the hardest but truly made me a better person. I have found myself coming to a depth of grace and forgiveness that I didn’t realize was possible. A place where I truly had to question who I was and who God was. During this time, I had to fully plunge into Gods’ truths to understand why I was going through such a difficult time. This period of time has provided me with compassion and with a sense of letting go or choosing my battles more selectively. Before August 2008, I picked every battle possible to “win” and gain victory in my favor. Post this period of time, I have found myself in situations where I can say “Does it really matter?” I also have found myself with more grace and compassion towards others.  Perhaps seeing a potential hidden struggle they might be going through.

I must admit, however, that as I get further away from this period of being placed in the fire (refined) I find myself falling into old habits.  This scares me because sometimes I feel, oh no another period of pruning is coming! Old sins are creeping in and God is going to want them fixed!  This is fear. This is fear and a misunderstanding of Our Father. Yes, God is a God of justice, but God is also a Father of love. He wants to embrace me and guide me toward positive fruits but He is not one to find every golden opportunity to “throw me another one.”

So yes, the process of pruning is very painful but with the past pruning, I must give Our Father thanks! A thanks for who is has made me to become. Thank you, God, for the experiences you have bestowed upon me so that I may grow in wisdom, truth, and compassion. 

John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

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Though I am not really one for New Year’s resolutions I must admit this year I do want to set some goals for myself.  Something that is always comforting with a New Year is a chance to start over, a chance to improve. As a teacher, a New Year really felt like it began in August. Now as a stay at home mom, a New Year does feel like a New Year and I actually embrace this time – this fresh start.

As I reflect on things I would like to improve this year – patience, a sense of slowing down, putting husband and family in front, etc – it dawns on me that with Christ we are always given a second chance (and a third, and a fourth, and so on.)  I can start over on September 2 just as easy as I can start over on January 1. God’s grace is enough and when I mess up I can start again. He is faithful and He doesn’t let me stray (and if I do, the road back can be quite painful.) 

I am a stay-at-home mom but with blogging I basically have a part- to full-time job.  This roll of two full-time jobs often makes me feel like I am not performing enough in all areas of my life. I fail as a wife, I fail as a mom, and I fail as a blogger. I don’t want to let anyone down and that floods me with anxiety when I think of all I can’t do. I would like to rely on Our Father more to let things fall as they will. I do what I can, I succumb when I can’t. I am in connection with Him, then the discernment I will gain and the wisdom I will make will hopefully bring me peace in the decisions I make in my life. I will speak truths (I am enough) rather than lies (I am not enough.)  Why give Satan power over my life? Why give him a threshold with the fabrications I choose to adopt? He has not won this battle nor will he in my life.

God shares His truth in 2 Corinthians 12:9…

“My grace is sufficient for you – my power is made perfect in your weakness.”

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Sunday honestly snuck up on me and I almost forgot to post my Treasures in Heaven – I guess every day these past 4 days has felt like a Saturday then I had realized Sunday had arrived.

The other day, on my personal blog, I began to post all the excitement that happened during Christmas in our home – I knew the grandparents would want to enjoy the pictures and tutorial of the morning. This was my older daughter’s first Christmas in which she understood the thrill of gifts and it brought us such delight to see the smiles and laughter on her face with new toys. She especially enjoyed her wagon (so much so that her dad and I are considering calling Santa to exchange it for something else – we can only take so many walks a day.) Continuing on with this point, I was posting on my family blog the excitement and found myself reviewing the post without the slightest mention of why this day is celebrated.

On Christmas day, I worked hard to get breakfast made (a feast I presented to my family), followed by a delicious dinner, and a repeat of opening gift after gift and discovering new toys throughout the day. I must admit, during the distractions, frustrations, excitements, and emotion of it all I didn’t sit down and reflect on why this day truly matters – why it is so important to my faith, walk, and afterlife. I prepared myself (at times) to still myself and reflect on Christ’s birth this season, and I worked hard to put some of the toys back into the “gift closet” and not under the tree for our daughter in order to limit how much she received, but you know come the actual day I was embarrassed at how I forgot about it all!

So two days after Christmas, I am finding a moment (the lights are low, the Christmas tree is still plugged in and my daughter is settling down with 30 minutes of Barney) and I just want to say thank you. Thank you, God, for your the wonderful gift you have given us, your Son, who died on a cross for the sins of myself, for the sins of my family, for the sins of my neighbor, and for the sins of all mankind. Thank you God for the gift you gave us on Christmas Day!

I hope everyone had a relaxing holiday and has a blessed New Year!

Luke 2:10 “But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.’ ”

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This song is one of my favorites year around. Can you imagine the honor of carrying Jesus Christ in your stomach for 9 months? How special it is to carry your own children, but Christ himself. The fears, the hopes, the joys, the doubts, the worries, etc. It honestly pulls at my heart strings when she is crying out to God for Him to be with her, for strength and also when she asks God he now feels ” a wiser one, should of had [her] place.”  We are each given our children to guide and one day giveaway – she was not giving Jesus away to another family but to the world, to us!  It truly is hard for me to grasp.

Isaiah 9: 6 – 7 “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty w will accomplish this.”

Breath of Heaven Lyrics

I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I’ve done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

[chorus:]
———————————–
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy Breath of Heaven
———————————–

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

[chorus]

Credits

Written: Amy Grant and Chris Eaton,

Sung: Amy Grant

Video: Created by Tonycdrive, Scenes from The Nativity Story.

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